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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Hurtful and Harmful Words - part 3

Hurtful And Harmful Words

3. Hurtful Words
When you were a child, did you ever chant; “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? Now that you are older you realize just how untrue that childish ditty is. Words can be very hurtful.

They are especially hurtful if they are:

3.1 Bloody Words
These are words that incite bloodshed. They are fighting words, sinister words, words filled with venom. “The words of the wicked are, ‘Lie in wait for blood” (Proverbs 12:6a NKJV).
In November 1995 the world was shocked at the assassination of Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin. He was slain by a twenty-five-year-old student who claimed, “I acted alone on God’s orders, and I have no regrets.” But the months leading up to this crime had been filled with words of hate poured out upon the prime minister. Leaders of the Jewish settler movement had branded him a traitor for negotiating the return of land to the Palestinians. Extremist rabbis called him a murderer and said it would be morally acceptable to kill him.

We Christians are not entirely innocent in using such words. The more conservative branches of the church not only have fought for fundamental principles of the faith, some also have fought among themselves over issues that are far from fundamental. The singing of praise choruses versus traditional hymns, the use of tile or carpet for the fellowship hall and other equally unimportant matters have been fuel for the flames. George Sweeting wrote, “Contentious tongues have hindered the work of God a thousand times over. Critical tongues have closed church doors. Careless tongues have broken the hearts and health of many pastors. The sins of the tongue have besmirched the pure white garments of the bride of Christ.” Let’s commit that, by God’s grace, such hurtful words will never pass from our lips.

3.2 Gossiping Words
In Alice Roosevelt Longworth’s sitting room was a pillow with the embroidered motto, “If you can’t say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.” Unfortunately, many people are willing to accept the invitation. The hurt that results from gossip is tragic. Proverbs 17:9 warns, “He who repeats a matter separates the best of friends.”

Someone personified gossip and said, “I tear down homes, break hearts, wreck lives. I travel on the wings of the wind. No innocence is strong enough to intimidate me, no purity pure enough to daunt me. I have no regard for truth, no respect for justice, no mercy for the defenseless.”
God’s wisdom says, “The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, and they go down into the inmost body” (Proverbs 18:8 NKJV). The Hebrew word for “tasty trifles” literally means “things greedily devoured.” In our hearts, most of us enjoy a juicy bit of gossip. But hearing gossip is like eating something delicious that once ingested, never seems to sit right in your stomach. Gossip is destructive to the gossiper as well as to the one gossiped about. Even though most people like to hear gossip, they do not respect the one gossiping. It tarnishes our testimony and turns us into birds of prey; always looking for the next morsel. “A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter” (Proverbs 11:13 NKJV).

How can we avoid gossip? Alan Redpath offered this solution. Before speaking of any person or subject, ask yourself:

T — Is it true?
H — Is it helpful?
I —Is it inspiring?
N — Is it necessary?
K— Is it kind?

Think. If we were to think of the harm gossip does both to us and others, if we were to follow this simple formula, imagine how much hurtful gossip would be eliminated.

3.3 Harsh Words
Although harsh words are frequently used in the heat of the moment, they are never the answer to a problem. Instead, Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” In other words, a gentle answer can defuse a potentially explosive situation, but a harsh answer worsens the situation.

Researchers from the Speech Research Unit at Kenyon College in Ohio discovered that people addressed by the telephone or intercom respond in the same tone of voice that they hear. Even when they consciously try to answer in an opposite tone - a quiet voice to a loud one, or a gentle voice to an angry one - they have a hard time doing so.

This is important to know both in the home and the workplace. If as a parent you use angry, harsh words that hit your children like blows from a sledgehammer, you may find yourself living for a lifetime with a crushed son or daughter. Words that explode at an impressionable moment can rarely be forgotten.

One pastor told of a forty-two-year-old man named Tom. As one who frantically worked himself into exhaustion, Tom spent every dime he made for impressive artifacts of luxury and success. He had a volatile temper that exploded at the slightest hint of disagreement or criticism. The pastor asked Tom to tell him about his childhood.
At one impressionable point in his boyhood, Tom said, he displeased his father with the way he did a chore. His father said, “Tom, you’ll always be a bum!” Whenever he and his father had angry moments, his father made the same prediction, so that eventually it burrowed its way into Tom’s spirit like shrapnel embedded in flesh. Thirty years later, he still suffered from his father’s verbal abuse. Even though his father was dead, Tom remained unsure whether or not his father’s prediction had come true. When anyone suggested that Tom was doing something wrong, he unleashed a barrage of hostility because of old accusations from his thoughtless father.
Be very careful of the words you say to your children, especially in anger. Harsh words can create wounds that last a lifetime, but a “gentle answer turns away wrath.”

source: www.jameslau88.com